Over the 24+ hours that I was limited to only liquids (thank goodness for my juicer), I realized how important food had become to me. Not just as a means for energy, vitamins and minerals, but as a way to pass time, grow, learn, share and express myself. When I had to stop working out, I filled my days with recipes, cookbooks, and nutritional information; it became the way that I was able to be good to myself, and therefore it was the second-best stress reliever to my usual walks, rides, runs and rows (sniff, sniff: I really miss rowing).
So intense has my curiosity become with pairing flavors, trying new foods or techniques, and only allowing the best to make its way into my body--I literally spent the entire day haunted by what I could not read, cook, and view.
Support from Allison. That's supposed to say "I went with a big jar... The nuts and the fridge were taunting me", referring to the mason jars of nuts on my counter. Apparently the starvation had already set in. ;)
During my juice-only day, Intagram pictures from fellow foodies that usually serve as inspiration only made me jealous. My requisite daily trips to a few dozen food blogs made me feel shameful, like I was perusing for porn. Pinterest was out of the question. Facebook friends who rarely if ever post food pictures seemed to suddenly decide Wednesday was the day that they would share their mouth-watering photos of seared tuna or grilled pineapple. Even someone's steak looked good--and I have never desired a steak in my lifetime. By 1pm, I decided to avoid Facebook entirely when I realized I follow more foodies than friends.
I worked a bit from home, but then realized that sick time is a benefit, and although deadlines are looming and our biggest fundraiser is a week away, I decided that I deserved to take some time to kick my feet up, considering what was about to happen to my body. So I read a dozen or so men's magazines that my friend Matt kindly dropped off (Esquire for the "What I've Learned" guest column, GQ for the style shots, Maxim for the funny comics and Rolling Stone--not a men's magazine, I realize--for the interviews. Hello Johnny Mayer, still love ya).
I set myself up on the couch (closest perch to the bathroom, after all) and I relaxed. I took in a Harry Potter movie and a very scary movie called Fear Island, which I don't recommend watching if you live alone [insert pun about getting the shit scared out of you here]. And then I realized--since I was already obsesssing about food anyway, what a great chance this was for me to take stock of all the changes I've made in my diet and the new habits I've formed. What an opportunity to revisit what's been working, strategize how to avoid what hasn't and have a fresh start going forward.
So these are the things I've learned about my diet that work after looking through my two food journals (both ditched after a few weeks of entries, but informative nonetheless):
(Side note: I guess I should say: I'm not a doctor, nor a nutritionist, nor a nurse, nor any kind of health professional. This is not meant to be advice. This is just my journey to working out the kinks in my body... many kinks that added up to a full-blown crisis for me.)
Eliminating dairy most of the time. My skin is clearer, my--um--digestion has improved in some ways, and I felt a bit more energized when I stopped eating it. I don't worry if there is milk in my mashed potatoes at a wedding reception, I'll ocassionally eat some goat cheese or a dish my mom makes that reminds me of childhood, and I'll sometimes eat a slice or two of cheese at an event, but these are the exceptions, not the rule. I used to load up salads with feta or inhale half a block of cheddar cheese for a snack, so giving up dairy has taught me a lot about discipline. But it's also taught me ways to be more creative in the kitchen, and it helped me form a new philosophy about prioritizing health before taste. (Though--I haven't had to sacrifice much taste due to a million food blogs and a new arsenal of knowledge regarding substitutes.) My mom recently told me that it makes sense that I am intolerant to dairy because I had to be switched to soy formula when I was younger. Um, thanks Mom. Only took you 28 years to relay that key piece of info.
Via Pinterest. Both the dairy and gluten for me were things that I started make connections about after doing tons of research. Both were challenging mentally ("What the hell do you mean, no saltines in my soup?!" See also: "I would trade my left arm for some of that artichoke dip you just ordered."). But at a certain point, I knew that I need to be diligent with both eliminations--to the degree that was necessary--to be happier and healthier.
Eliminating gluten all of the time. I came across the possibility that I had a gluten issue when I was researching dairy-free recipes and I read other people's accounts of their struggles with it. The range of issues that those with gluten intolerance show is incredible and the list startled me because I saw myself in it. In addition to digestive issues, it was tingly hands, a bloated feeling, a feeling of being stuffed and hungry at the same time, stuffy nose/sinus issues (especially after drinking beer), and sores in my mouth (that I didn't even notice until they disappeared!). There are other issues that could possibly be related, but I'm not sure because I still have some untangling to do in other areas of my health. These include: muscle pain, forgetfulness (this is probably just lack of quality sleep for me), loss of balance (probably just the fact that my quad muscles have 1-inch difference in circumference due to my back problems), and headaches (again, thinking this might be due to lack of sleep, or possibly neck strain from the position I sleep in, which is the least painful for my back). These are just the ones that showed up in my current list of oh,-wait-that's-not-normal symptoms; others have different symptoms.
A lot of people think this is a fad diet--and for some it is. (Side note: It bothers me to no end to know that Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View is some people's only reference to someone living gluten-free. I know she's celiac but the chick gets on my very last nerve. She's so in-your-face about it, it's ridiculous.) All I know is that within two weeks, the tingling in my hands (that my doctor said was from poor circulation from sleeping) was gone, and within an month, my sinuses were much better and the bloated feeling was all but gone. Not to mention the sores in my mouth, which disappeared within days.
I know it's crazy to think that someone can have such drastic results, but I recently ate it twice in the matter of a few days, and my mouth and sinus symptoms came back immediately. Now that I mention it, I suffered headaches in the days following as well. That's enough for me to get right back on the "g-free" wagon. (Ugh: "Elisabeth Hasselbeck brings gluten-free living into the spotlight as the next big movement in health and wellness." I can't wait until the next-next big movement comes along so less people will roll their eyes when I search for gluten in the ingredients of something.)
Being aware of food combinations. I became aware of this when elimatinating gluten and dairy did not solve all of my problems. Food combining has helped me be more mindful not only about what I put into my body, but what has to happen in order for my body to process what I put into it. It's something that I am still exploring, but I am happy to report that I no longer want to die after eating a Border Bowl now that I know I should choose either all beans or all rice.
I do want to note that changing your diet, while very personal, is also very public. It's the reason I'm comfortable writing this blog post, because like it or not, 9 times out of 10 it becomes a topic of conversation when you turn down something you used to love at a family picnic, or ask the waitress if she can check if the chips are made with corn rather than wheat. Coworkers, family, friends, acquantinces, even strangers, they all have curiosities, misconceptions, opinions and judgements. This was the hardest thing about making these changes.
While most people have been incredibly supportive and politely curious (and I'm happy to talk about it... it helps to normalize it and anchor it into my lifestyle), I have gotten some interesting reactions. Comments that amount to "Who-does-she-think-she-is?" or "That's-kind-of-like-Atkin's,-right?" or "oh,-that's-nice,-how-much-weight-are-you-trying-to-lose?" I've even gotten a few 'knowing' nods of "good-luck-but-I-bet-you're-over-reacting" and "oh-you're-another-one-who-fell-for-that-nonsense". The only thing you can do is smile, be kind, tip well, and take it all in stride. It's mostly more about them than it was ever about me. But this quote makes a lot of sense for me, and it has helped me choose how I think about it going forward:
Via Pinterest.
What I've learned through all of this is that while it takes a lot of time to plan ahead with so many "limitations", I actually revel in that very fact. During a time when my body is at the mercy of whichever doctor I am waiting 6 weeks to see, it empowers me to know that I am making thoughtful, healthy decisions for myself. I also have never been more overwhelmed by the amazing foods I can eat, and the new recipes I can't wait to try. And one more pin because you know I love 'em:
Via Pinterest.
So the procedure was easy-breezy and the doctor says everything looks normal. The results of my biopsies will come soon. Time will tell what exactly that means, but it's one step closer to untangling this mess. Oh, and my post-starvation request of a gluten-free gourmet burrito with veggies (rice, hold the beans, per food combining 101) from Border Grill was as delicious as I thought it would be during those 24+ hours I spent thinking about it. At least, that's what my parents reported. I was pretty groggy when I devoured it. :)
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