Friday, May 5, 2017

A eulogy for doubt

"I'm not perfect," he said on our sixth date, on our second do-over.

"You don't have to be perfect," I said. "You just have to be trying."

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

"Don't give up on me," he said, after pushing me away didn't work. 

"Where there is love, there is no question," says the Yogi Tea tag taped to my desk.

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well, what if I do?


"Is he worth it?" she asked, after a weekend of wondering.

"All I know," I whispered, "is it's not time to give up yet."
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

"Why would I jeopardize everything we've built?" he asked, after my mind played tricks.  

An answer, as quick as it was stunning: "You wouldn't." 

What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart

"Am I cut out for this?" I asked myself, after one of the hard conversations.

"We will get through this," he said, after pushing him away didn't work. "Together."

'Cause I am giving up
on greener grasses 
I am giving up for you, oh
I am giving up for you, oh
I am giving up

--Ingrid Michaelson, Giving Up