This.

This is the cutest thing I have seen in a while: "Ooh, that's filthy. I can't do dat."

Except for maybe this.

Bobbi Lately

August is like Sunday. That's right, stay with me.

June is Friday. You're teeming with excitement. It's time for fun, you don't pay too much attention to time going by, you're just glad to crack a beer, let your hair down, and glide into relaxation mode.

July is Saturday. You're in it to win it. You're spending all your hard earned dough. Rock on, let's eat Mexican food and cheese fries at 3am and sit on all the patios. No time for yoga, there is fun to be had!

That's where you misstep, because you pay for it a little in August.

So...August is Sunday. You're tired, bloated, inexplicably sore, a little hung over, and you're slightly terrified to look at your bank statement. Yet you're also determined to make the most of the rest of your free time.

August, man, I did my best with you, but I have to say, I'm dragging.

I'm left with a very strong desire for a peaceful fall. Not only in the sense of slowing down significantly socially, but also emotionally and physically.

I've been thinking about how to manifest that feeling of ease and here's what I've come up with:

• Back on the gluten- and dairy-free wagon. Digestive struggle is the worst of all struggles.
• Lots and lots of yoga. Find the ease through a little bit of effort.
• Baths with tea and candles. Routine to create comfort.
• Cut myself and others a lot of slack. Space where it is needed, connection where it is not. 
• Long walks with Henley. See the world through her gentle eyes.
• Nights in on the weekends. Money and energy in the bank.
• Cultivating positive thoughts. Recalibrating my default outlook.

Bobbi Lately

I caution anyone who might click on the "lately" tag below and offer the following: Seasons. They make me moody.

But, bitches, its summer. So don't worry, this is the upswing!

That means:

and:

 

and lots and lots of:

 

Truly, SAD jokes aside, I feel like I am riding the wave of summer, letting it take me wherever it goes, for as long as it goes--sleep and wallet be damned. 

 

My calendar is packed with early morning yoga in the park,  noon-time yoga in a somewhat sketchy empty suite on the 19th floor of my office building with a "brogi" that makes himself giggle, sunset yoga on the beach, and yoga in a 105 degree studio that, as my fellow yogi Rachel noted, makes you feel like you're in a pizza oven.

 

Add to that early-release summer Fridays with my esteemed colleagues on patios around the city, enthusiastic park strolls with my best pal Hen, concerts and ballgames and a trip home and parades and visitors and a seriously ambitious street festival calendar and... well, this is just to say that if you don't hear from me in a while, it's because I'm spending a whole lot of time doing and very, very little time over-thinking.

 

#aboutdamntime, I know. 

Bobbi Lately

Well, this foot in my mouth tastes...really awful. Like it's been stuffed in a boot for four months OH BECAUSE IT HAS.

Remember what I said as summer was turning to fall? Allow me. Ahem:

"I think there is something to be said for being in a happy place in your life. Namely, that you don't long for other seasons. You can walk gracefully into a new season without worrying if you savored every last drop of the one you're walking out of. As my dad would say, that's clean living.

I am so full of shit sometimes.

I totally savored fall, drank my weight in hot apple cider, wore holes in all my favorite tights, took Henley on epic city sidewalk journeys, kicked my way through piles of crunchy leaves like I was in a goddamn Nora Ephron movie. And I still long for it. Simply because it's not winter.

This winter has taught me that sometimes it doesn't matter what's going on in your life. Sometimes the weather gets a girl down. Sometimes relentless cold and gray and complete sun-deprivation take a toll on even the happiest of campers. It has nothing to do with longing for other times. It has everything to do with the fact that I can't feel my feet. Or my face. Or, at times, my fucking soul. (Ellen, that was for you.)

For real though, something happened this winter that made me feel like I just. could. not. get. warm. Physically or emotionally. I got a little lost. I got a little cranky. I lost sight of the positive, the spring, the forest for the trees. I let the wind and the cold and the salt and the gray drag me down. It's been tough going, and the people who've surrounded me during the womp-womps deserve a medal or at least an adult beverage of their choosing. Seriously, props, guys. Wompy Bobbi is a total drag.

My mantra for the rest of the season is:

Because it's gotta come sometime, right? Because even if right now I don't feel as self-evolved as Albert Camus, there indeed lies within each of us an invincible summer, even in the worst of winters. The trick, I think, to surviving Polar Vortexes both ecological and proverbial is to surround yourself with people who see it in you always, despite your frozen exterior.

Resolution

Last New Year's, I was thinking a lot about beginnings. I know now that was because I hadn't had any in years, and there was a lot I needed to seek out. What I didn't know at the time was just how many new beginnings were in store. A new city. New friends. New opportunities. New experience. New perspective.

I'm proud of how open I was in 2013, how much new life I let in and how much I risked for it all.

But this year, as "the countdown" approaches, I'm feeling differently. I've been thinking about what, exactly, it means to make a resolution. Many people make them on New Year's Eve, but I think the introspective among us are always resolving.

But what does that really mean? 

I love versatile, yet powerful words like resolve. To have resolve means to be bold and courageous, steadfast and earnest. To exhibit willpower, intention, and purpose.

In medicine, to resolve means to heal. 
"symptoms resolved after a median of four weeks"

When talking about something seen at a distance, to resolve means to turn into a different form when seen more clearly, to transform.

"the orange glow resolved itself into four lanterns"

When dealing with problems, to resolve means to find a solution.
"the firm aims to resolve problems within 30 days"

In musical arrangements, to resolve means to move from discord (confusing or harsh sounds) to concord (harmonious sounds). To, quite literally, move from chaos to harmony.
"the song resolves from dissonance to consonance near the very end"

When dealing with decisions, to resolve means to firmly choose a course of action.

In chemistry, it means separating something out to distinguish between its parts, or to make sense of something by putting it on a spectrum.

It can also mean placing a vote to express a formal opinion, or dispelling doubt by clearing away the inflammatory or unnecessary. 

Source

All of which feels a lot like what I need to be doing and being in the coming year.

Her eyes are light and clear
And fearless like Chicago winds in the winter time
And her hair is never quite in place
And the knees in her jeans have seen better days
And she's no beauty queen but you love her anyway
She's a wildewoman

Yeah, she'll only be bound by the things she chooses
-Lucius, Wildewoman

Here's to resolution. 2014, we have our work cut out for us.

Bobbi Lately

Every time I feel compelled to write a Bobbi Lately post, I realize the seasons are turning.

I had an incredible summer in Chicago, filled with lots of drinks on patios and lots of shenanigans with some impossibly fun people. I definitely found my groove these past few months and it all involved a lot of saying 'yes'. Yes, I'll meet you for brunch. Yes, let's check out that festival. Yes, I'm game for three nights in a row (#YOLO). Yes, yes, yes.

As the weather has started to turn cooler, I can feel myself pulling back a little. Maybe it's the new apartment, having a place I actually want to hang around, but maybe it's also that I'm feeling a little more comfortable with my life here. I don't have to say yes all the time because the invitations will keep coming even if I say no, I'm staying in on Friday. I can lay low without the dreaded #FOMO. 

So, I'm looking forward to a calmer fall. Having girlfriends over for dinner. Taking Henley on chilly runs down my new running path. I bought a Groupon for 30 yoga classes for $39 at a studio called Yoga for the People, and I can't wait to see what kind of hippie dippie stuff my instructor Dmitri has in store for us. Also: Tights! Boots! Sweaters! Mittens!

 Me too.

I think there is something to be said for being in a happy place in your life. Namely, that you don't long for other seasons. You can walk gracefully into a new season without worrying if you savored every last drop of the one you're walking out of. As my dad would say, that's clean living.

Flaws: A Manifesto

As I got back into the dating game this spring, I tried to set a mindset that was open and, to be frank, wouldn't set me up for disappointment: It's a number's game, so the more people you sit across the table from, a) the more chances you have of finding who you're looking for, and b) the more chances you have of narrowing down what you're looking for. Also, c) the more free vodka sodas you score.

Idea B is a slippery path, though. Sure, the more people you date, the stronger your conviction becomes that, oh, I don't know, an entire month is an unacceptable amount of time between phone calls. That's good. That's called Realizing What You're Worth. See also: Realizing that you'd like someone who has a permanent job, is a good listener, is interested in topics north of your ribcage, can have a somewhat engaging conversation without chugging 8 beers, and doesn't call you Sugar on the second date (or, really, preferably, ever). (True story, people. I cannot make this stuff up.)

But if you start really narrowing it down (zero relationship baggage, no commitment/trust/insert-insecurity-here issues, always on time or early, never loses his cool or forgets to say thank you to waitresses, etc, etc, etc), I'm fairly confident you'll start missing out on some really great people.

How did I realize this? By over-thinking it, of course.  Duh. Whose blog do you think this is?

I thought about my family and how often we fail each other by losing our tempers or pushing each others buttons. They let me fail over and over without ever letting it change how much they love, respect and support me. I realized that having flaws and accepting flaws is what love is. It's essentially the definition of grace. Working to bring out the best in someone and helping to ease some of their burdens is essentially the definition of partnership.

I started thinking about the other people in my life that I really love. I started with my best friends because I hope my husband will be my bestest of all my best friends. I realized that I love those girls and guys because they are so beautifully flawed. They have the most endearing idiosyncrasies and mind-boggling tics. They make these gorgeous mistakes that turn into remarkable lessons for others, or, sometimes, turn out to be the best things that ever happened to them. Sometimes those mistakes prevent other, far worse mistakes or put them on a different, more genuine path. Sometimes when they get knocked on their asses and call for advice, they are their most divine selves. It seems the farther they fall, the better advice they have for me, and the more clarity they have for how to move forward and thrive in this crazy world.

I hope my future husband is flawed like that. I hope that he has made some whopping mistakes and that his life has been an unpredictable road of twists and turns. I hope he messed up something so bad that he's become the cautionary tale for his friends: "Don't do what I did--but if you do, call me. We'll sort it out!"  I hope he has a lot of almosts that push him to try again later. I hope he's been pushed to the max so that he has some sense of what he's made of...but I hope he's got some surprises left for himself, too.

I hope he's been humbled, criticized, supported, championed, and vilified, because that's what teaches you when to do which to others. I hope that he has gained the wisdom that only heartbreak can teach and has already set to work on narrowing down what he is looking for. (Oh, he's looking for an almond-eyed brunette that manages to oftentimes jump in feet first despite over-analyzing just about everything? He's looking for someone who hasn't made her bed in 15 years, who sees no reason to shut cabinet doors if you're just going to open them again, whose primary mode of communication is bullet points!? God, Future Flawed Hubs is so specific, I love it.)

In all seriousness, it was the Sugar guy that stopped me in my tracks: "I'm really into challenging people. It's the only place growth is born." Oh, uh, you have a point there...sir. You can't really challenge someone who's perfect (or thinks they're perfect). Where's the fun growth in that? I'm down to grow; the Universe knows I need it. (But really, the cupboard thing must be genetic or something...)

Allow me to get one giant step even further ahead of myself and pontificate about children for a moment, too. I hope my children are so beautifully flawed that you can see the cracks from a mile away. I hope that they falter and teach other people lessons. I hope that they doubt themselves at times so that they learn how to trust themselves. I hope they let people down so they can fully taste the monumental impact of forgiveness.

 Source

I'm going to try my damnedest not to hold their hands too tightly or wipe away their tears too quickly. I hope they are too empathetic and too generous, and I hope that at times this is the source of their pain; it means that they overshot in the best possible way. I hope that they get the chance to enrage and be enraged by someone so intensely that they fall in stubborn love and can't walk away even though they're not sure why. (Everyone deserves this excruciatingly beautiful experience, don't you think?) I hope their hearts break just enough to realize that there is suffering in this world that is far, far worse than anything they'll ever know. I hope that they fail miserably at something they thought they'd ace so they can understand that it isn't talent that makes you, it's sweat and preparation.

What I am trying to say is that I'm realizing lately that our flaws are what make us loveable because our flaws are what make us real, and what makes us real makes us human, and our humanness is where connection stems from.

I hope that it doesn't take me too much longer to find my person, but in the mean time, cheers--to your flaws and mine. I mean, hey, free vodka sodas!

Bobbi Lately

I've been feeling lately that I'm living more in the moment, which is the goal I've been working toward. But it makes it hard to reflect, here, on this website, built for reflecting. The two areas of my life--work and relationships--that I avoid here are the areas I've been focusing on, and I don't know how to write publicly about them (and I'm not sure that I even want to at all).

But I still want to capture snapshots of this time in my life. It's a time I fought hard for, and a time I am savoring. It's delivering a host of lessons, as always, but I may have to let some time pass and do some thinking about how, and if, I want to document them. For now, here's the minutiae, the filler, the distractions, the lately:

• Lately, I've been drinking coffee. Which basically means that I've essentially had a buzz on  during my waking hours since Tuesday. But my real confession is that I think it makes me a better person, and I sort of hate how much better I feel on the sauce. I aspire to be a "green juice gives me so much energy!" person, but right now, I'm a "they make almond milk creamers, right?" person. Never mind that I can't feel the inside of my mouth--I'm tearing through my project load, gangbusters-style.

• I kind of had an epiphany on the train:

Awww, Baby's First Sports Metaphor

• Lately, I've been itching to get out of my current sublet and into my new apartment. I can't wait to have my things and feel settled, and oddly enough, put down some roots in Chicago. Have I mentioned how psyched I am to decorate?

• I've been on a mission to try every fish taco in Chicago. Which gets, you know, expensive, so I've been trying to develop my personal best taco recipe. I've been failing, but failure can be pretty delicious, too. 

If drowning my failures in sriracha is wrong, I don't want to be right.

• I've been obsessed with The Newsroom and Orange in the New Black.

• I've been whole-heartedly enjoying my Chicago summer. Street fests, late night martinis and tarot card readings on a bar patio with new friends, reading in the park, figuring out what the hell to do with my CSA veggies. My soul is a happy soul.

Spring

Spring is here.

It's made the city come alive. All of a sudden, the trees have impossibly beautiful blooms, the sidewalks are covered in chalk drawings, and people are everywhere. 

Spring speaks to me.

I'm a spring baby, I love the mild but sunny weather, I'm a sucker for the prospect of something new.

I've arrived at a spring in my life, too. After a long period of turning inward and enduring the "cold", the sun is shining and everything looks so bright.

Sometimes spring takes a really long time. But it is always, always worth the wait.

'& (Then)'... Chicago

It's funny, the title of this blog, my little space on the internet, is kind of serendipitous. I liked 'roots and wings' because I had long noticed a theme in my life: I wavered between desiring adventure and needing security. A fiercely independent and ambitious girl who also happened to be extremely sentimental and somewhat practical.

After years of struggling to be one or the other, I thought I had achieved a good balance, even if I was still pulled in different directions at times.

www.rootsandwings.blogspot.com was taken. To be honest, I threw a 'then' in there so I could get writing, not giving it much thought, and never even considering www.wingsandroots.blogspot.com. Roots & (then) wings just made sense to me, innately.

You know how when you rent a car, you see that car everywhere? You're like, how is everyone driving a black Impala? Well, after I chose the title, I noticed a new theme: comfort, then adventure. In that order. As if the only way I could truly explore was by first being anchored in a place of familiarity. I think this is true of a majority of people, but for me, it is a lesson that I am learning over and over about myself. And it always surprises me how fundamental it is to my happiness.

This is why it's pretty fitting that almost exactly two years after I bought my house in Marquette, I landed an exciting new job in Chicago. Yes, I am headed for city living. I will always call Marquette home (the 28 remaining years on my mortgage cinch that deal). But now that I've tended to the roots, it's time for some wings. Chicago, here I come.

Source

I'm acutely aware that I am leaving most of my best friends, my family, and what grounds me. But I am wildly excited to discover what's waiting for me and Henley Boo on the other side.

Roots, check. And then...

Bobbi Lately

• Lately, I've been savoring the last bits of fall. 

• Lately, I've been an eBay hustler. I've sold 5 bridesmaid dresses, and 10 other items.

• Lately, I've been adding to the gallery of frames in my stairwell. It's winding up the stairs!

• Lately, I've been sucking down India Spice Yogi Tea. 

I've also been taking the quotes as signs:

• Lately, I've been catching up with my Neglected People List. Aunts, cousins, friends. A busy summer had me putting many of my people on the back burner. It's been fun catching up!

Bobbi Lately

I'm a lazy blogger--this whole numbered/bulleted streak I'm on makes posting incredibly easy.

• Lately, I'm obsessed with drinking aloe. Don't knock it 'til you try it.  It started when the Co-op had Alo drinks on sale, but morphed into a full-blown addiction when I stumbled upon this Aloe Cocktail. Now my brain is on fire coming up with aloe cocktails of my own. Currently experimenting with Tart Cherry Juice for a yin-yang effect. So far 3 tbsp tart cherry + plus 4 tbsp whole-leaf aloe gel + juice of one lemon + club soda is the winner. It's really light, and is good for digestion and joint health, so winner-winner.

• Lately, I've been walking in the morning.  With my wonderful friend, Allison, and our two equally hilarious dogs. She takes the reins of Henley so that I don't have that additional strain on my body. It's been wonderful to start each morning swinging my arms freely (walking Rubin, who is approximately 1/9th the size of Henley), inhaling the fresh air and chatting with a supportive friend who shares a lot of my obsessions. It's also nice to walk into work feeling awake and ready to deal with people.

• Lately, I've been on the phone. With my insurance company, with my doctors and with the good people at Mayo Clinic. I'm trying to get a second (third? fourth?) opinion and an appointment with ONE doctor who can be my advocate and coordinate whatever comes next. No one is making this easy, as I'm sure I don't need to tell you. News flash, the health care system is jacked up.

• Lately, I've been feeling a little more wing-y than root-y. Restless, confident, ready for something.

• Lately, I've been sprucing up my dining room. I wanted a tribal/travel/color explosion theme. I'm close, and pictures will be posted shortly.

• Lately, I've been wondering if maybe John Mayer has been hanging out on a dusty shelf  in my heart. My friend Eric said, "This album is on point with the lonely well-intended generation." I adore Eric and I adore John, so of course I downloaded as soon as I got a free moment, and gees louise, Mr. Mayer, get out of my head. Pretty sure I am an architect of days that haven't happened yet is my tagline and this is my theme song:

You are hiding in your mind / Working all the time / To make it better than you got it / You been spending all your time / Searching for a sign / That's never gonna look the way you want it / Think you better wise up, boy girl

Things I've Googled Lately

1. "YOLO."

2. "Fracking." One of my Facebook friends casually used this in a status, and according to my research, it's kinda scary. (Somewhat related: DID YOU KNOW that we mine helium? And so therefore we can have a shortage of helium? This recently happened. Kinda makes you wanna think twice about inhaling it just to have a funny voice?)

3. "tl;dr." This upsets the very core of my English major. It also makes me feel very old, because upon Googling, I shook my fist at my iPhone and said, "Kids these days!" and then took a big gulp of my Metamucil.

4. "Weather." Every morning. Because how the hell am I supposed to dress this time of year? 42 degress in the morning but 89 degrees by 4pm? I cannot win. There is not an App for that.

5. "How to download books to the Kindle iPhone App." I can't find how to download new books, only how to upload books from a Kindle account. Welp, my dog ate my Kindle... but I can't find that in the help section!

6. "John Travolta scandal." WTF?

7. "Raw mint chocolate cheesecake." My recipe wheels are turnin'.

8. "Cute pill organizer."  This search came up inconclusive. I take so many damn supplements (so it needs to large), and I want to keep them in my purse (so it can't be too large), but I also want it to be cute. Allison... I found an idea for a third website!

9. "Cute comfortable brown leather flats that are on sale." In a moment of desperation, I just typed in exactly what I wanted... and you guys, it actually worked! Behold.

10. "Words ending in Z." Don't even tell me you've never Googled when playing Words With Friends! I rarely resort to this (English major pride again) but when you can get a triple-letter score on a Q and a triple-word score but the word must end in Z, you are going to bust out the Google, am I right? (You'll also then curse your iPhone addiction, because, duh, QUIZ.)

Notes for the Universe

I got inspired by Kathleen at www.jeremyandkathleen.blogspot.com (you should all read her blog, by the way) when she posted yesterday about things she "explicitly need[ed] to put out into the universe".

I've been feeling that way lately, too. Lots of ideas, concepts and realizations drumming around in my head and no satisfying way to deposit them somewhere in an organized fashion. (Is anyone else as annoyed as me about the fact that I studied writing for 6 years because it calms my soul and brings order to my life but I can't seem to REMEMBER to do it when I'm frazzled?! It's so annoying. I need a sticky-note reminder: Write, you blithering idiot.)

Here's my list of things that I need to put out into the universe:

1. I GET IT, universe, oh wise teacher.
When I started my 30-Before-30 list, my main goal was to get movin' on some stuff that I'd been dreaming of and not pursuing. To put a deadline on it. One of those things was to come to terms with aging, but realize that I might not always meet milestones when I think I will (kind of a paradox, yes?). Well, the universe provided. In the form of an injury that has affected every facet of my life: physically, emotionally, socially, and financially. So I just want to let the universe know that I GET IT. INFORMATION RECEIVED. POINT TAKEN. Moral: Do the things you love because one day you might not be able to. (Like that 5k? Probably not going to happen.) Moral 2: When life "happens", change your course. (So you can't do the 5k. Become a swimmer.)

So, I get it. Lesson learned. Appreciate what you have and get things done. Pema Chodron says that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. I know that I've only learned the beginning of that lesson, but listen here, universe: I GET IT. Please heal me, thanks.

2. I'm grateful for my recent boost of gratitude.
(Is this post getting too meta?) I have always been a sentimental person and have cherished my relationships. But recently I've kind of put two and two together: You can appreciate the lovely things or people you have around you, but you can also take it a step further and actively ENJOY them. That's the step you have to take in order for it to be gratifying. You can't just feel grateful for people, you need to make it a verb. See them. Ask them how they are doing. Hug them. Write them a letter. Make them smile. Compliment them. Make them feel good about who they are. Interact, dumbo.

I've never been great at reaching out. It might be the phone anxiety. But recently I have reached out to a cousin, asked my grandparents to lunch and emailed an old friend. And I realized how good and blessed it makes me feel. If I haven't gotten to you yet, I will. This might also be a product of my recent injury, but it makes good sense: with things, your body, your people: you really use it or lose it.

3. I love cooking.
I've known this about myself for a long time, but after college I tended to make the excuse that it was "just for me" so why spend the time? This lead to some mediocre repetitive meals and too much take-out. Then I got with it and realized if not now, when? If not for me, the most important person in my life, then for who? Also, there is never "no one to cook for". I have TONS of people to cook for. People who love to be my guinea pig for a new recipe, people who forgive me when I get over-ambitious with the main course and have to wait an extra 20 minutes just to eat a cold side dish, people who graciously agree at the last minute to pick up an important ingredient on their way to my house. (You know, like the ground chicken for the chicken burgers... Thanks Anna!) I have tons of people to cook for, but it's also just as important to serve myself.

4. My creative side is knocking. And she's about to start hollering.
Oprah says that the universe will whisper, and if you don't listen it will get louder and louder until it is screaming in your ear. Well, my creative side is starting to get mad.

In fact, the more I feed her (with house projects, with small design projects at work), the louder she gets. Universe, we really need to appease her before she boils over, or worse, loses her voice.

5. Thanks for giving me Henley.
That big pile of slobber and brown fur is easily the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's my blood pressure medication, my cuddle buddy, my very own commedienne, and sometimes even my therapist. She's also a reminder to be specific and go after what I want, even if I have to drive to Po-dunk, Wisconsin to find it.

6. Life is good, universe. But it can always be better.
You've been good to me, universe. But I just wanted you to know that no matter how many messages you send telling me to enjoy what I've got or to slow down and be still, that I will always, always keep reaching. I will never be fully satisfied, and I quite like that about myself.