Things I Don't Understand

• Why are cabbies on their phones all. the. time?

• Why do people think asking "so, how's your dating life?" is any different than asking "so, how's your marriage?"

• What does it feel like to commit to one sports team over another? Is it sort of like what having in-laws feels like or am I way off base?  You know, like, you sort of picked them a while ago and now you have to feign enthusiasm or you look like an ass hole?

• Why doesn't Baby Gap have a sign outside that says "If you're at all concerned that you might not meet someone awesome in time to have babies, DO NOT ENTER. The socks and little baby jeggings are to just too fucking cute. Walk away and your ovaries will thank us."? Is that just not on brand, or what?

• Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to post "Congratulations! Welcome to mommyhood!" all over someone's Facebook wall before they've even announced the birth? Or, for that matter, left the hospital? For real. Someone please tell me why that's a thing people do?

• Why don't guys with online dating profiles realize that posting 13 solo pictures of themselves in different countries isn't a glaring sign they recently broke up with someone? I mean, obviously your ex-girlfriend took them. Unless you have a super good bro who is sort of obsessive about scrapbooking. Mix it up.