Ahem.
The truth is, while most of the time I go about life with a can-do, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar mindset, there are times when anxiety damn near cripples me. I can go from molehill to mountain in no time flat. I'm halfway up the mountain when I realize I've don't even remember what the molehill looks like anymore.
But if I've learned anything about anxiety it's that it thrives on isolation. And the more I talk about it, the more I realize that so many people suffer. Quietly. Alone.
The wonderful thing about anxiety is that the more you study it, the more tricks you pick up to help squash it. And those tricks add up. You can call them coping mechanisms, stress reduction techniques, whatev. They work, that's all I care about.
I thought I'd share a few of mine:
Think about the Worst Case Scenario. No really, the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen. It's ridiculous, right? It's probably ridiculous. It's probably not going to happen. And if you're a super expert mountain-maker, not only is the WCS in your brain probably not going to happen, it probably isn't actually possible at all. So anything less than whatever catastrophe you conjured up is probably lookin' pretty good right now, eh? The moral is that it's often never as bad as it seems.
Exercise. I'm not talking a walk around the block. I mean, sweat like a pig, double over because you can't breathe, run until your legs give out. Something about intense physical exertion seems to reset my monkey mind. Science. It's a crazy thing.
Ground yourself in the physical. Anxiety is a mental spiral. Like exercise, doing other things to focus on the physical can help that spiral from becoming a vortex. Things like crafts, getting a massage, doing some yardwork...they can all help you get out of your head and into your body. (Hugs. Hugs, too.)
Call your peeps. You know this is a hard one for me. I didn't start actually calling my people and saying the words, "I'm anxious" until about a year ago. The thing is, there is magic in saying it out loud. It instantly becomes unhidden, taking the shame out of it. Speaking of ditching additional emotions...
Don't worry about the worry. I once read that anxiety is "worry about worry". That was over 10 years ago, when 'anxiety' was a new word in my vocabulary, and that definition has stuck with me to this day.
And that's because when I'm anxious, there are usually two emotions at play. There's the first emotion or scenario (worry, fear, insecurity, anger, disappointment: the deadline, the confrontation, the unknown) and then there's the secondary emotion about the first emotion or scenario (shame, worry, anger: I can't believe I'm upset about this again! Why I can't I just... Why can't it be different?! When will I learn?!). The thing is, the secondary emotion is actually a compounding factor. It doesn't make it twice as bad; it makes it 10x as bad.
So I've learned to cut myself some slack, because that secondary emotion is usually just thinly-veiled self-criticism. So, you've gotta show yourself some compassion and just accept life as it is, as much as possible: I'm an anxious person! Life has curveballs! People make mistakes! Writers have deadlines! So what! What matters is what I do with the portion of my life that's in my control. If I'm responding rather than reacting, I'm doing the best I can.
Be super freakin' kind to yourself. Buy yourself a new magazine. Take a really long bath. Spend an entire afternoon walking around looking for pretty front doors. What makes you feel comforted? Do more of those things. Clean sheets, tea with honey, stovetop vanilla pudding, rolled hand towels, a big stack of new books. Beauty and the Beast. Henley snuggles. And in a pinch: Skittles.
Be super freakin' kind to someone else. I've noticed that I can work my way out of a funk just by being a good friend, a good daughter, a good human. It feels good to lessen someone's load, or to forgive, or to buoy someone else up. It's not all about you anyways. Geeeeesh.
Watch your inner monologue. How are you narrating your life? Would you say it to a friend? How would you feel if you overheard your sibling talking to him or herself with the words you're using in reflection of your life? Simply being aware of what you're thinking is the first step towards...thinking better things.
How does your body respond to stress? For me, it's clenched hands. Noticing this was life-changing. I can actually spot clenched hands in old photos. The great thing about having a 'tell' is you can use it to your advantage. As soon as my hands tense up, it's like a cue for my brain: How can I counteract this? (Another thing: Anxiety, to me, feels physically like too much caffeine feels. So if I know I'm anxious or there is something happening that day that might throw me, I skip all coffee, even decaf. I also limit my daily intake to one half-caff.)
What can you control? Sometimes it helps just to clean my apartment for the sake of having things in order (says the chronically messy girl). Pay some bills, run some errands, cross some things off your to-do list. Do what you can.
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These are simply tools that I use to manage anxiety--and I think that's the most important thing to remember...because in my experience, it's not something you "cure". It shows up over and over and you just get better at managing it. The only way out is through.
And lastly, I'll leave you with a few kind, albeit paraphrased, reminders I've received throughout the years from a few lovely friends. My gut says they're probably true about you, too.
"You've got this. You've already conquered way bigger things than this." -Shanon
"You're safe, surrounded, and loved." -Alicia
"You'll find the lesson in this and come out the other side inspired." -Allison
"You're amazing, and there is no way you'll mess this up." -Ellen
